Embracing chaos

So it begins.
When I was eleven, I caught the tail end of a movie on television called, "My Side of the Mountain".  It was about a boy who runs away from home and lives in the wilderness by himself.   He made his home in a hollowed out log and he used a falcon to catch his food.  I was so enthralled by this boys adventure, that I insisted my mother go immediately to the video store and rent it, so I could watch the whole thing.  I have always been obsessed with these self inflicted trials, where one is not only pitted against the world, but also against themselves.  I feel that to really know yourself, you have to face incredible challenges and succeed or fail.  Safety is for people who want to survive, not for people who want to live. I have had many grand ideas about how I could put myself in these situations.  Shortly after seeing "My Side of the Mountain", I was in a argument with my step-father.  Through my young eyes, it seemed like something that could never be resolved. My solution was to run away. I picked a brook that was slightly off the road, less than a mile from where we lived, as my new home.  My plan was to live like the boy in the movie.  I would catch fish in the brook, find or build a good shelter, and survive until I was old enough to move away.  This plan lasted until I realized that no one in my family was even looking for me......about 45 minutes.  The saddest part was when I walked through the door, it seemed that no one had even noticed I was missing.  I've had many failed adventures that have never even made it through the first 15 minutes of planning.  There was always something in my head that told me that what I was thinking about was not realistic and never could be.  So many people lack the ability to turn there back on what is safe and embrace chaos.  Its hard to force yourself to be naive about the reality of what you are choosing to do.   Its almost impossible to unlearn the habits and paths that you are trained to live by.  Two years spent on an adventure equals two years not investing in your 401k at work.  My one true attempt at adventure was joining the Marines.  Every war vet I had ever talked to, seemed to be defined by the hardships they faced when put in the worst possible circumstances.  For so many vets war either made them incredible people or broke them down to nothing.  There is something incredibly romantic to me about this chosen hardship.  I went to war, but never really faced anything but my own fears of what could happen, but never did.  ADVENTURE FAILED.  So here I am.  30 years old.  Separated from a wife who chose alcohol and empty bar room friendships over a good man.  I have been given one more opportunity to be naive and careless.....and I intend to.  Last night I put to paper, with the help of my brother and his wife, an idea that most people believe to be insane and careless.  I have decided, with no previous riding experience, to get on a motorcycle, leave Connecticut, drive over the Great Lakes and to the West Coast by way of Canada.  I will then turn sharply South and hug the Pacific Ocean until I run out of land in Tierra Del Fuego, Argentina.  I am eleven again, I am naive, and I am going to hug the ever living crap out of chaos.

Planning 101

The first step...starting a blog.